There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
