Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
