C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
