just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
where are you?
Hypothermia
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
