i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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