Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
