I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
