I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
