so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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