omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
