well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
