Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
