Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
