If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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