I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
