she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
