God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
