I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
