he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
