fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
