So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
