I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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