does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
