You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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