we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
