how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
