My hand turned me down
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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