we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My life is pants optional.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
