Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
