I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
