my phone needs a breathalizer
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
