well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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