i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
