Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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