My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
