i just sent this text using only my big toe
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
