I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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