You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
