one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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