Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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