apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
