We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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