is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
