2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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