another moral hangover. fuck.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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