NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
