I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
