I'm pants shitting drunk right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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