She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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