So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize