Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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